Questions I Always Ask During My Morning Commute

I have a long morning commute. It begins at roughly 6:20 am and ends at 8:45 am when I am usually just getting to the office. I drive, then take the Metro and finally wind up walking the remainder of the way to my office, just a spit away from the White House. Why do I do it? Surely there must be jobs closer to home. There are but the pay is better in D.C. so, you know how that goes. During my morning and evening alone time, I ponder many things and these are just a few of the thoughts that run through my head while I’m trying to get in or home.

On The Road, Again…

Are people only capable of measuring time in 15 minute intervals? I spent a week trying to “test” out what time would be the best time to leave. What I found, is that if I left at an odd time, say 6:20 instead of 6:15 or the dreaded 6:30, I would hit a pocket of NO TRAFFIC and sail all the way into the office. Why is this?

How did I start out in the far left lane and wind up in the far right? I swear, I never changed lanes yet somehow, I always wind up in the far right lane. My commute has more lane merges than shifting staircases in Hogwarts. I swear one of these days, instead of winding up at Springfield Metro, I’m going to be sitting outside the Slytherin Common Room wondering how in the hell I got there.

I pass a shit ton of exits on my drive, it’s absolutely ridiculous to me that some “cities” are so big they require eight different exits. You would think with so many exits and the fact that the vast majority of the cars on the road travel the same way every day, they would know how to merge. Why can’t people simply get on and get off without stopping traffic? I have yet to figure this out, it’s not that hard. You see the gap coming, you check your mirrors and you floor it.

There are truly more cars on the road in the morning just on I95N alone, than I think, the whole population of Rhode Island. You know when you get on the road, at some point you’re going to sit. It happens every day at various points, usually the same points. I just never understood why. We’ll sit for ten minutes at Quantico or 20 minutes outside Woodbridge and it magically starts moving again and moving fast. Where did all the cars go? I’m seriously asking this because I only saw two cars exit. Those two friggin’ cars made that much of a difference? I honestly believe that people are teleporting. Somehow a select few have discovered this (possibly the Masons) and they are keeping this knowledge from the rest of us. It’s time to start sharing.

The radio. Don’t even get me started on the radio. There’s no reason for more than one station to play the same song at the same time. Going further, there’s no reason that two stations should have the same show on at the same time, Yes Delilah, I’m talking about your show. Why are three different stations airing the same show at the same time? It’s absolutely ridiculous and they wonder why radio is dead. Just a little suggestion while we’re on the subject, can you not play Manic Monday on a Friday. The only day I want to hear that song is on a Monday. Saturday in the Park – Saturday, Friday I’m in Love – Friday. Singing Friday I’m in love on a Tuesday is like wearing the wrong day of the week underwear to school and everyone seeing it. (I’ve never done that by the way…) It’s just not cool. Also, can we take Every Day Is A Winding Road out of rotation during rush hour. It’s bad enough we have to sit in traffic, I’d rather not get philosophical about it.

Last Train to Springfield

This really only happens in the summer. You know what I’m talking about. That one individual who either decides not to wear deodorant or it has failed. Either way, they stink. You smell them as soon as you get onto the train and you know exactly which person it is. You can pick out the offending individual because they are the one sitting alone even though the train is packed in like sardines. Why aren’t you wearing deodorant in the summer? I know some people don’t like to wear it because it’s harmful, I’m one of those people but I make an exception in the summer when I’m going to be around other people. It’s called common courtesy. Try some on.

It’s been a long day for everyone on the train. We’ve all been to work and run ragged. We all know that by the time this train gets to Farragut West, it’s going to be packed. One of the perks of getting on the train before this stop is that you get a seat, I’m so sorry you drew the job location short straw but you probably make more than me so… I get tired of women standing next to me like I should get up and give them my seat. Why do people think I should give up my seat? You’re not that old, odds are we’re probably the same age; I’m just not as well worn. Hell, I might even be older. I’ve spied many a 20 year old that looks 40. My rule is, if you’re not pregnant or visibly ancient, I’m not giving up my seat.

I love D.C. In my humble opinion there is no greater city anywhere in the world. I may have been born and raised in Philadelphia but in my heart, I’m a true Washingtonian. That said, we have to be the most elitist population in the world. The French have nothing on us as far as attitude is concerned. This is easily spied if you take the Metro every day. I live in a city where the make or break question on a first date is, “What’s your Security Clearance?” Top Secret, TSCI, TSCI w/Poly or Public Trust. You better have one of those if you expect to get to question two, “What’s your name?” Oh, You don’t have a clearance? Then you must work at Burger King, right? Actually, I think you probably need a clearance to work there as well. Around here people wear their Government I.D. badge with the little gold boxes on them with more pride than they actually should. You would think they found the Golden Ticket in the Wonka Bar.

Hoofin’ It

Standing at the light waiting for it to change you overhear a lot of mundane conversations. Some of them are funny, well most of them are funny because at least it’s not my drama. Mostly, I hear people ask and give directions and usually they are spot on. Recently, I’ve noticed a trend of people having no idea where they are even going and have the nerve to give directions to someone else. Why are you giving out wrong directions? It’s then, that I usually chime in and correct the mistake. The Blue Line may be three blocks in the opposite direction but there’s a closer stop for the same train one block ahead, can’t you see that lady has on high heels? She is totally not walking three D.C. blocks back in the opposite direction.

I’m so tired of people walking into me, why are you trying to text and walk? You know that game when you were a kid where you tried to pat your head and rub your belly at the same time? If you couldn’t do that, then please don’t attempt walking and texting. My unspilled Starbucks cup thanks you in advance.

On pay check Friday, I like to “treat” myself to a Starbucks coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way. There is literally a Starbucks on every other corner in D.C. It reminds me of growing up in South Philly, just substitute Starbucks for a corner bar or a Catholic church. Sometimes the bars and churches were cattycorner to one another, when you fell out of one you could go and repent in the other. Which one you do your repenting in doesn’t matter, as long as you leave a good tip.  But back to Starbucks, Why does it take longer to make an Iced Coffee than it does my breakfast sandwich? That seems a little suspect to me. By the time I get my drink, I’ve finished my sandwich. At home, my bacon isn’t even out of the package before the coffee was done. Just saying…

They say an idle mind is the Devil’s playground but with me an idle mind most definitely is his place to run rampant. Give me two hours of free time with nothing to do but drive and listen to the same drivel on the radio and this is what you’re going to come up with.

All my commuters, what do you think about?






7 thoughts on “Questions I Always Ask During My Morning Commute

  1. Right now my commute is simply from bed to coffee pot and back to my desk. When I am in school my commute is usually an easy 20 minute or so drive plus the occasional jackass riding my tail. I have time to think but not so much time that I go crazy. Oh. Wait. I’m already crazy. Nevermind.


  2. I used to have your commute (for real–except it was Falls Church to Dulles, so sort of your commute), but now I commute by ferry, and what I think is, all those jackasses with the pull behind briefcases/suitcases (we’re a big tourist destination) need a separate ramp onto the ferry so I don’t have to deal with them. And if you take so much crap to work that you need a rolling briefcase to carry said crap, you are carrying TOO. MUCH. CRAP. I think this almost every single day.


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