I usually get stares when I go out. Not because I’m drop dead gorgeous, I’m not and the stares aren’t from men either, they’re from women. They see me walking through Target, three young children in tow and think, “they all can’t be her’s”. Some even get up the courage to ask, curiosity gets the better of them and they’ll even go so far as to ask my age. I recently, astounded a woman, who not only thought a I was a college student but that there was no way I had had kids. The one thing they all have in common is, they all want to know the same thing, how do I do it?
After being asked this question more times than I can count, I finally sat down and pondered what DID I do? Some would call it good genetics and leave it at that. I would argue they’re wrong. Everyone in my family on both sides is/was overweight. They all suffered from heart disease, diabetes and a slew of cancers it would take me weeks to name them all. So good genes out the window, how could I go from having three kids, including a set of twins, and still be a size one? The simple answer is, you are what you eat. Marinate in that for just a second. You. Are. What. You Eat.
I truly believe that the secret to my youthfulness and slight figure lies in my diet and not in any miraculous genetic code. I firmly believe that if everyone’s diet mirrored mine they would lose weight. You may not be a size one, not everyone has a petite frame to start with but you can slim down to a healthy weight for your frame and body. You don’t have to exercise, I certainly don’t. Yes, you read that right, I NEVER exercise. My exercise consists of walking from the metro to work and then to my car. I do the occasional 10 Minute Yoga video when I get a wild hair up my arse but I’m so out of shape, I get winded easily. Just in case you were thinking I was the black Maria Kang, you’d be wrong.
Here are 10 Things you can start doing today that will change your life tomorrow. Now remember, I’m not a doctor and I’m not promising anything so don’t sue me because you’ll get 100% of the nothing I have and 100% of the future nothing that I won’t get.
- Stop drinking soda, TODAY. Soda is so bad for you and don’t even try to argue with me that diet is better for you, you’ll lose. If you need caffeine, drink tea or coffee but the soda has got to go. I drink a soda probably three times a year, if that. It’s usually because I got it as a treat for the kids’ birthdays. I’ve gotten them into the habit now that soda is a treat only to have cherished on the high holy days of Kiddom. Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, Birthdays and if you’re lucky, someone graduated that year. It’s how I was raised.
- Do a cleanse. I drink a ton of water. It’s good for your skin, it could be why I don’t have a wrinkle on my face. As a kid, we had water, juice or Iced Tea as options in our house. As an adult, I find it helpful to do a cleanse every few months. I drink water infused with lemons, limes and cucumber for about a week.
- McDonald’s who? You’re going to hate me, but I love a good Big Mac or fish sandwich, that said, it’s bad for you. Processed foods are BAD, ummm K. Stop eating fast food today and if you must eat fast food, make good choices for example Chipotle, Cosi, Corner Bakery, Panera Bread and the like. Places that use real meat and fresh ingredients that you can trace back to a farm and not a lab. When I was a kid McDonald’s was a treat we got once a month, if that. Let’s keep it that way.
- Stop putting crap on your face. I don’t wear makeup, as a rule. Unless I have to put on the “war paint”, I don’t. Think of your face like a sponge, the holes being your pores. What happens when you put soap on a sponge? It sinks into the holes and gets absorbed. What do you think happens to your skin when you put all that crap on your face? There isn’t a damn thing natural about covering up your pores so they can’t breathe. You’re better looking without it, believe me.
- Don’t buy in the hype. There’s no cream, no face wash, no beauty regiment that’s going to make you look 25 again. You can take care of the skin you have now by nourishing it from the inside out. The only cream I use is cocoa butter and I only put it on in the winter when I get ashy. I don’t use sun screen either because Vitamin D is good for you. NOW STOP right here because I’m not advocating people stop wearing sunscreen, there are natural alternatives. I don’t want people getting melanoma and blaming me for it. My personal preference is to not use it all but that’s just me. I would look into natural sunscreen rather than go without if I had the money to afford it.
- Don’t eat after 7pm. This is hard for me right now because of my work schedule but my rule of thumb is, never lay down after eating, at least not for three hours. If you eat at nine, I hope you plan on staying up until at least eleven.
- Put down the Cheetos. I love me some junk food, especially Cheetos. I swear I could eat a whole family size bag in one sitting. That’s why when I go to the supermarket those Cheetos usually stay their ass on the shelf. I did however transgress recently because there was a new flavor out. Junk food is exactly what it’s called, junk and it’s putting junk all over your trunk when you eat it, so cut it out.
- Buy a real vitamin. I’m all for taking a vitamin. I don’t think women should stop taking a multi once they stop having kids. Folic Acid and Vitamin D3 have been proven to be very effective in cancer prevention plus a slew of other conditons. The problem I have with generic vitamins is all the fillers. All that extra crap that I don’t need in my vitamin. That’s why I like these, it’s a whole food vitamin and the greatest thing about it, is that it curbs your appetite.
- Always eat breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I know there are some people who hate eating in the morning. If you’re one of them, try a smoothie or some Greek yogurt. It will get your body going naturally and you may not need that extra cup of Joe.
- I been drinkin’, Not. You’re going to crucify me for this one but you have to just say no when it comes to beer, it’s called beer gut for a reason. One glass of wine a day is okay, for heart health and mental health. The binge drinking has to be left to the college days when our metabolisms worked faster.
What do I eat? Chicken (fried, baked or grilled), loads of pasta, tons of garlic bread, the occasional salad, potatoes, beef in all its forms, pork chops (every once in awhile) and turkey. I love ham but I only eat it on holidays. Bacon is a weekend breakfast staple in my house. I really don’t eat a lot of veggies, that’s what the whole food vitamin is for. I eat what I want in small meals through the day.
Let me reiterate one last time, I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor. This is what works for me and it may not work for you BUT I think it will. Eliminating all the crap from your diet will at least take you down one dress size. I really don’t call this a diet, I hate diets. This is a lifestyle and if I eliminated all the fried foods, it would be a pretty healthy one. Try it for a month and get back to me, I’d love to know if anyone saw results.