funny story

Bargaining With Your Bladder

It’s two in the morning and I wake up with that familiar feeling. I might be alone. I might have a child snoring gently beside me. Either way, I don’t want to move BUT I have to pee.

God Damn it! I just got comfortable, this really can’t be happening now. All I really want to do is sleep. If I move, I’ll waste another two hours trying get back to sleep and so it begins. The stages of having to pee in the middle of the night.

I just had one of those days that really blew. By the end of the night, I’m tired, achy and all I want to do is sleep. These are the nights when I forget to pee. Mostly because, I pass out on the couch. Sometimes, I’m lucky and fall asleep in my bed still in my work clothes. Either way, I’m in my happy sleep place and then it happens. The urge hits.

When it hits, it hits me like freight train. There’s no denying it, there’s no reasoning with my bladder to go back to sleep. It’s wide awake and it’s screaming, release the hounds! At first I’m angry, just once I’d like to sleep through the night and get my requisite eight hours of sleep. I know that with kids, that’s never supposed to happen but my kids sleep through the night. Why does my old ass bladder have to wake me up?StagesOfPee

Once I push through the angry phase, I try to deny that I have to pee in the first place. My bladder screams back at me, oh yes you do. I retort with a childish, no I don’t. This back and forth can last for hours, or at least it feels that way when you’re lying in bed trying desperately to negotiate with your bladder.

I try reasoning with it. I’m already wide awake at this point but I could still drift off to sleep if I get comfortable quick enough. I try not to put pressure on my sides or my stomach. Increased pressure means I’ll have to pee even worse. I flop around around so much I swear I can hear it sloshing inside me. This is really not working…

Sadness starts to creep in as I look at the clock and realize how much time I have wasted trying not to go to the bathroom. I’ve been fighting a losing battle with an organ that only knows two words, empty and full. I must give in, get up and go. I have to accept the fact that my days of sleeping through the night are over. Not because of the kids but because of a tiny organ called a bladder.

I’ve wasted two hours. Two hours that I could have been asleep or at least trying to fall asleep. They say crazy people do the same thing and expect a different result. Maybe I’m crazy but I do the same thing every night and expect different outcome. One day, I’ll beat it at its own game and I’ll fall asleep. I just hope when that day comes, I don’t wet the bed.


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6 thoughts on “Bargaining With Your Bladder

  1. I rarely ever wake up in the middle of the night to pee – have you tried limiting fluid intake at least an hour before bed? When I sleep I sleep – there is no waking me up, I’m a heavy sleeper. Have a great one Michelle and it was great meeting you! -Iva


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