humor · kids · Life

Wash Your Friggin' Hands!!

The thing I never really anticipated about potty training and being a single mom is how much time I’d have to spend in the bathroom. It was once my favorite place in the house, a room of solitude and tranquility. Where I could wile away the minutes of my day playing Candy Crush. Now it’s just a bullsh** hassle. 

One of the things that I hate about potty training is having to use public restrooms with kids. They touch everything and have no concept of bathroom floors being absolutely disgusting. Yet it never fails, every time I’m in Target someone must go to to the bathroom and while I’m in there what do I spy…

Women walking in and out of the bathroom stalls and then directly out the door. 

Seriously, you’re not going to wash you hands lady? WTH!

I’m trying to teach my kids good hygiene, To wipe correctly, keep their area clean and most of all wash their friggin’ hands. It’s not that hard ladies in Target (let’s call them all Sue for the sake of this post). You go into the stall, you do your business, I’m assuming you wipe (I hope you do) then you come out and wash all the little microscopic particles of poop and pee off your fingers before you exit. But you didn’t Sue, did you?

Now I’m walking around Target and I keep running into Sue. She’s picking up towels and putting them back. She’s touched produce and bread that she had no intention of buying but for some reason had to put her pee pee paws all over them. Now they’re infected, don’t people know this is how Norovirus spreads? Instead of posting pictures of butt cracks spied in Walmart, we need to start taking pictures of all the Sue’s of the world and post them to Facebook.

Then it got me to thinking, how many Sues do I know? How many have come to my house? There could be traces of E.Coli right now on my couch because Sue didn’t wash her hands when she went to the bathroom. Then my kid comes in, drops his cookie on the couch which in theory should be clean but now isn’t. You see where I’m going with this? My kid just got extra helping of E.Coli with his chocolate chips. Thanks…

There must be a reason, a real logical well thought out reason why Sue doesn’t wash her hands. Maybe she’s allergic to soap. Maybe she’s a germ-a-phobe and carries hand sanitizer. I’m hoping that she walked out of the bathroom and used it before she started picking up all the infant toys and playing with them. Thank God those bInkies have covers!!! 

But seriously, why wouldn’t you wash your hands? It’s cold and flu season, the stomach virus is going around. Kids can get really sick and dehydrated. Yeah, it’s not the measles but some people with compromised immune systems can catch a stomach bug and wind up in the hospital only to get even ickier ailments like Staph. I know I don’t want to catch any of that crap or bring it home to my kids. There is nothing worse in this world than three kids with a stomach bug. It’s hell on earth. The tenth level of hell on earth to be exact. 

So wash your damn hands!!!

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10 thoughts on “Wash Your Friggin' Hands!!

  1. Well my name is Susan, so I’m not sure I care for your choice of name, but other than that, I am totally on board with this. Here is what I don’t understand – I understand that there are disgusting people that don’t wash their hands in the privacy of their own home – gross, but whatever. BUT, if you see ME in the public bathroom looking at you can’t you just fake or do a quick water only rinse it so that I am not disgusted by you? Even if you are okay with being gross, how can you be okay with other people knowing you are gross?? Great post.


    1. Sorry about the Sue thing, It was the only name I could come up with that I didn’t know anyone by that name. Now I know you so in the future Sue won’t work either. I’m with you on the fake water rinse.


  2. Just a thought…I have had some bad reactions to the soap at some public restrooms, so I carry hand sanitizer and use it before I leave the restroom. So, basically, I clean my hands of the germs and leave. I’m sure many people look at me with derision, thinking I don’t clean my hands, when I do. Perhaps some of these women do the same thing.


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