humor · jobs · Life

Re-Invention and Job Interviews

Trying to find a job is the longest, most exasperating process ever known to man. I don’t remember it being this hard. Ever. 

I’m a Paralegal by trade, for as much as I would like to make money doing this writing thing, it’s more of a hobby. A hobby that I hope will eventually lead to my first novel getting published. (I have to finish it first) Until then, I must make money the old fashioned way. The 9 to 5. 

Whenever I say 9 to 5, I automatically start singing the Dolly Parton song.

Here I am, once again. Perusing the want ads looking for my next place of employment. I think I’ve filled out at least 100 job applications and I’ve only had two call backs. TWO. I may seem a little naive here but don’t most companies have offices in Philadelphia. Usually the business cards at most big companies say with offices in New York, Philadelphia, DC and some random place in California. All the law firms in this city and no one is hiring?? I find that hard to believe.

I would love to say that I’m the type of person that all I have to do is get my foot in the door and I’ll wow them but I don’t. I really don’t interview well. I’m a hard worker but I can’t toot my own horn and I find myself analyzing the whole thing to death. Like the random questions they ask you in the interview that have nothing to do with your ability to answer a telephone and forward a call. These are a few of my favorites and how I wish I would have answered them.

  • Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Your job, especially if it pays more than the job I’m interviewing for.
  • Have you ever stolen a pen from work? Really?? I know people whose kids go to school supplied solely from the office supply cabinet.
  • What is your salary requirement? Just low enough for you to consider hiring me and high enough that I can still afford to buy my bras at Victoria’s Secret once I start working here.
  • Why did you leave X company? It sucked, otherwise I would have stayed and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.
  • Are you willing to work overtime? Are you willing to pay me for it? 
  • What do you do in your spare time? Chase after kids and lament how much life sucks OR chase after kids and lament how much work sucks, it’s a toss up.
  • Do you drink? Yes and I plan on coming to work every Monday hung over and possibly Friday too. LOL (That never happens, just in case you’re a potential employer reading this.)

Usually what I try to do when I get thrown these question is respond in the most P.C. way possible. I can’t help but think that maybe if I went in there and was my snarky, sarcastic and funny self that I might land a job. Or at least, if nothing else I would be remembered as the woman that made them laugh.

 

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2 thoughts on “Re-Invention and Job Interviews

  1. Interviewing is a grooling process. I have been out of work for awhile and had a lot near misses in getting the job. I believe that I interview well and been told by interviewers that I interviewed well and still not get the job. It’s frustrating to say the least.

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