Life · Marriage · rants

Same Sex and Interracial Marriage: Same Issue, Different Day

Not too long ago, I received an email from a reader asking me my thoughts on Same Sex marriage. After I got over the shock that someone who actually read my blog emailed me, I pondered the question and decided it deserved a blog post answer in lieu of an email.

I should begin by saying that I try to stay away from touchy subjects on my blog. I’m all for taking a stand, drawing a line in the sand and holding fast to your beliefs. I applaud those people that do it. I firmly believe in live and let live, we don’t have to agree but we live in a country where everyone is entitled to an opinion. I’m woman enough to respect yours, I expect the same reciprocity.

All that said, I need to start at the beginning. If you’ve read my blog or even looked at my pictures, you’ll notice that my children are racially mixed. I have been involved in two interracial marriages and they ended not because of any racial differences but for the same reasons that most marriages end, race played no part in it. If you’re wondering, I’ve always been an equal opportunity dater, I was raised to see people not the choices they make or the color of their skin. Does this make me better than you, not at all, nor am I more enlightened, I’m just me.

Living in Virginia, I quickly learned how  differences are not celebrated, especially in the more rural parts of Virginia. In some places, I would almost swear I had stepped back into 1960 for all the stares and comments (yes comments) I received about myself, my life choice and my family.Did you know that it was illegal in Virginia to marry outside of your race until 1967? Check out Loving v. Virginia if you’re interested in knowing more. To me, the battle for same sex marriage today is no different than one the was waged in the 1960’s.

We’re all in the same boat together, yes I do have the right to marry whom ever I chose in whatever state I chose but it wasn’t always that way. The world does change but people’s minds never do. The backlash over the Cherrios commercial is evidence of that. People actually said that seeing a white woman with a mixed race child made them want to vomit. I’ve overheard people say the same thing when we’ve been out and we’ve seen two men holding hands. Seriously people? A mixed race child made you want to vomit? Two men holding hands obviously in love and BRAVE enough to put it out there made you want to vomit? You know what makes me want to vomit? Ignorance, intolerance, stupidity and hatred.

I’m a religious person. Faithful in the sense that I believe in God but I am not a pew sitter. I am not a pew sitter because I have yet to find a church that does not preach intolerance from the pulpit. I believe in separation between Church and State. I believe that the men who founded this Country and were escaping PERSECUTION, yes they were escaping religious persecution people, believed with their entire being that ALL were created equal. Therefore as far as the State is concerned, the rights allowed to one should be the rights allowed to all. If I can marry a man who is not the same race as me, than two men or two women should be allowed to do so as well.

What about the Church?

Our founding fathers came to America to build a nation where ALL would be free to practice their faith. Yes that was very idealistic and not really put so much into practice but the ideal is what I’m discussing here and not necessarily the practice of it. The Church is separate from the government. The government should not force any religion or its faithful to condone or facilitate same sex marriage if it is outside of their tenents to do so. That’s their prerogative. I’ve been in churches where the preacher is standing on the pulpit preaching against interracial marriage while I was sitting in the congregation. There are a lot of faiths that do not condone interracial marriage or dating. Does that make them a racist organization? No. They are more than happy to welcome people of all races they just don’t condone interracial marriage. In this Country, that’s their right and it should stay that way.

Same sex marriage is not going to ruin the sanctity of marriage. The rising divorce rates are doing a good enough job of minimizing the reverence that people have for marriage. There’s no grin and bearing it anymore, there’s no for worse, it’s for better or I reserve the right to get a divorce. We should worry more about that than anything else.

All that said, how do I feel about same sex marriage?

I feel the same way about same sex marriage that I feel about interracial marriage. It’s the same issue just a different day.The right of two people who are in love to express that love through marriage is a legal issue only. I don’t expect people to accept same sex marriage any more than they accept interracial marriage. It’s a legal issue and not a moral one. Leave the morality to the Church, where it belongs. Live and let live.


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10 thoughts on “Same Sex and Interracial Marriage: Same Issue, Different Day

  1. It’s not just Virginia that’s living in the past… When my husband and I were still dating in Washington State, I would have people ask me if we were siblings (he’s Filipino/Romani, I’m… white) because they would rather believe that than think we were together. Out in Georgia where we are now, I have white people ask me why I married “someone who looks different” (if they were being polite).

    And yes, I wholeheartedly agree that the same-sex “issue” is no different from the interracial “issue”.


  2. I am white. And straight. And married to a white guy (and he can’t dance and he certainly can’t jump, so we’re a pretty stereotypical white family). So my experience with someone saying they “want to vomit” upon seeing my children would only be because they are covered in vomit themselves.
    But I have much experience with interracial marriage and kids. My brother has 2 totally awesome beautiful girls. They are 100% his. And they absolutely look Asian, because their mom is Philipino. He gets comments all the time asking where he got his kids. Once he and his wife were walking hand in hand and someone in a car yelled out, calling her a “chinc”. He was furious- she just said, “are we going to take someone seriously when they can’t even distinguish a “chinc” from a “flip?” A sense of humor, she has.
    This day and age it sucks we still need to deal with that crap. Love your post.


    1. I love when people who are “in the box” can still relate. It proves to the world that even though people may not share the experience that you share they can still relate and sympathize. Most people don’t care until it happens to them or someone they know. Thanks for representing


  3. I can not even believe people say they want to vomit at the sight of an interracial child! What is wrong with this world? I seriously am floored that someone can think such ridiculous thoughts about another person because of their skin or their sexual choices. What God do these people listen to that preaches and promotes hatred and ignorance? Not the same God as me.


  4. I am white and straight too. And my husband is so white I need sunglasses to look at his naked body. But give me an f-ing break. Love is love. And if two people (no matter their race or gender) want to commit to a lifetime of love, I am all for it. Marriage is hard, not matter the circumstances. It takes commitment and effort. I applaud any couple who is up for the challenge. And, dammit, I cry at every single wedding I see. Every single one. I love love! And I love your post.


  5. Here, here, Michelle! (Felt appropriate from the references). But I LOVE him! Except that has to come from a woman’s mouth, right? We are all for someone “loving” someone who beats them, who chastises them, who treats them lesser than a human being, but LORD forbid that person choose to love someone who accepts them for who they are, yet they are the same gender. It’s just sad. I think everyone should have a civil union and the churches should take care of “marriages”, considering marriage is a religious institution. Then this argument would stop, because there’s no delineation in a civil union – two people contractually coming together. But that’s not “sexy” for politics. The argument wages on because the politicians need something to argue instead of real issues. Anywho, great piece. Thank you for sharing!


  6. I am as white as white can be. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and billions of freckles on my creamy white skin! I am engaged to a cute little white boy who is less physically white as me, but is super white nonetheless (no dancing, no jumping, pretty much uncoordinated in all ways). But neither of us sees ourselves any differently than we do my super white sister who has a half Mexican/ half black girlfriend! And they chose to have a child together, which I think is fantastic, although I can’t say the same for the rest of our Baptist family (there are 4 Baptist preachers in 2 generations). I think love is love no matter the color or gender. To me, the only part that matters is the commitment! I believe that being in a happy, healthy, monogamous, fully-committed relationship is more important than the “contract” of marriage. (I wish I had realized that before ever getting married the first time.) I simply do not understand why any person would think that they have to right to tell any other person who they have the right to love and/or marry. It’s just sad. Everyone has the right to find his/her own brand of happiness!
    What gets to me even more than those who are against interracial and same sex relationships are the people who find gay women acceptable, but think gay men are atrocious! Either be against it or be for it, but either way, you’re never going to be able to end it, so accept it!


  7. Hi, enjoyed your post.
    The world is turning brown, very, very brown. One day there will be no white and there will be no black. Those two bookends are really endangered species.
    In many communities you’re as likely to see as many inter-racial couples toting around bi-racial kids as you are to see “pure” race families.
    My opinion on the demise of white and black? Fine. Maybe that’s the only thing that will do away with the rabid racial tensions that have existed since humans walked the earth and noticed the tribe across the river was a bit different than their own.


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