humor · snow days

Do You Want To Build A Snowman?

Do you want to build a snowman? Perhaps this wasn’t the best winter for the movie Frozen to come out. I feel like Queen Elsa has had a super tantrum. This winter can suck it, seriously.snowmanEvery time it snows, my daughter starts singing, Do You Want To Build A Snowman”? At first, I thought it was cute, now, not so much. I really don’t want to build a snowman. I really don’t want to go out in the snow, or even see it for that matter. This winter has wreaked havoc on the school schedules. I feel like my kids have been home more than they have been in school. The fun of the occasional snow day and the pleasure that comes when a snow storm falls on a Holiday weekend has been replaced by the “oh no, not again” feeling.

This winter started off, at least for me, rather warm. I had dreams of yet another mild Virginia winter. Maybe if we were lucky we might get one good snowstorm, the kids could go play in it and then like typical Virginia weather goes, it would melt before the week was over and return to “normal” weather.

That hasn’t happened yet. We got one day where I dared to hope only to find out that Mother Nature was going to piss all over that dream and send yet another storm that resulted in my cell phone buzzing in the middle of the night. I knew what it was, I didn’t want to read the Code Red alert that would give the kids yet another day off.

Honestly, I’m tired. It has nothing to do with the kids being at home or being stuck in the house. Netflix has become the must have item to get through this winter. Gone are the days of rushing to the Supermarket to get bread and milk. Now all I need are Oreos, Milk and Netflix. If I don’t feel like going out for the Oreos and Milk as long as I have Netflix, I’m alright. Until the power goes out…

Now adding insult to injury, a lot of the country has no power because of the ice storms that have come through. Really?! It was bad enough that we all have to be stuck in the house together, now you have to cut the power and take away my internet access, my Netflix, the heat. The heat comes in third because you can always put on more clothes but no internet access, now I’m pissed.

I’m taking back my previous post, this winter has knocked all the joy out of the occasional snow day. If I never hear the word snow again…

Instead of trying to make snow days wonderful and fun for the kids, I’ve created a checklist to help you get through the next six weeks of winter that that damn groundhog predicted.

  1. Vitamin D3 – It will keep you human. I’m definitely feeling the winter blahs, this helps me but just remember I’m not a doctor so if something horrible happens, don’t sue me.
  2. Alcohol – Whiskey in the morning, Tequila in evening. Only because Tequila doesn’t mix very well with coffee or tea.
  3. Netflix – The only thing that going to be worth watching on TV is the news report, at least if you need to, you can watch a marathon of Scooby Doo.
  4. Snacks – Make sure you don’t just stock up on comfort food that the kids like, get your favorites too.
  5. Alcohol – Just in case you missed it the first time, I’m repeating it. Life is easier to deal with when you’re drunk, or at least slightly buzzed.
  6. Board Games – When the power goes out you’re going to be stuck playing Chutes and Ladders and Memory for hours on end if you don’t stock up.
  7. Cook Books – One of the things a lot of my friends like to do is make something elaborate on a snow day. I once thought they were crazy, now I see the genius in it. Everyone will leave you alone when you’re in the kitchen cooking, it’s a lot better than seeking refuge in the bathroom.
  8. Candles – You’ll need these if you power goes out. Word to the wise, don’t buy a bunch of different scents, your house will smell like a 1000 stink bugs died.
  9. Epsom Salt – This is for after you take the kids out to play and wake up the next day feeling like your 80.
  10. Juice – You need something to mix the tequila with.

This is how I have made it through the last 80 snow days, or at least it feels that way. Only 34 days to go until the first day spring. All I have to say is it had better be one hot summer and no, I won’t complain. I’m looking forward to 100 degree weather with 100% humidity to the point I’m sweating and can barely breath.

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Do You Want To Build A Snowman?

  1. Oh I feel your pain. This year we have had almost no snow (we are usually completely snowed in for at least 5 days every year. It can be a real pain dragging your grocery shopping behind you on a sledge) But instead we had rain. A lot of rain. A seriously huge amount of rain. In the last 12 months we have replaced the carpet in my youngest daughter’s room twice and the sound of heavy rain brings us all out in hives. I agree however, alcohol does help. Certainly a mud soaked carpet can look kind of funky through an ethanol haze! Hope you get the long hot summer you deserve and if you do please can you send some back over the pond?

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  2. Haha loved this! I’m kinda glad I didn’t manage to see Frozen when everyone else was seeing it…will wait on that til summer, when it will seem cute instead of like my death knoll! We need to come up with a second verse to that ‘rain, rain, go away’ song, that can send all this snow packing.

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