christmas · Christmas shopping

The Christmas Eve Shoppers Guide

If you find yourself in the same pickle a lot of people this Christmas Eve, you’re going to spend tomorrow in a mall or a big box store like Target. Running up one aisle and down the other trying to find an appropriate gift. I never understood why people wait til the last minute, it’s not like the date for Christmas changes every year. It’s not like Hanukkah where it’s like, BAM! This year it’s on Thanksgiving Bitches!! It’s always December 25th. At this point, the “what were you thinking ship” has sailed and you need a plan. Look no further than here. I’m going to give you a plan to wow everyone in your household even though you shopped the day before and the spit on those Christmas cards is still going be wet when they open them.

The Husband
If your husband is a gamer but you have no clue what he has or doesn’t have, find yourself a Gamestop, hopefully you at leas know the gaming system, and ask the store associate what the most expensive game is. The reasoning is that the most expensive games are the newest and most coveted ones and odds are he won’t have it. If you don’t know what system he has then buy him a new one. Be prepared you’re gonna drop at least 400 bucks on a new system but you did wait to the last minute so at this point money is the least of your worries. If he’s not a gamer, he will still appreciate being able to come home after a hard day’s work and blast the hell out of some zombies, all men love blasting zombies.

The Wife
Husbands… How could you wait this long? I know, I know it’s a moot point now and you need help. I got one word for you that will solve all your troubles for the rest of your life. PANDORA. No, I’m not talking about the heavy metal group, that’s Pantera. I’m talking about a Pandora bracelet. Go buy her one now and then any time you ever forget a gift, on the way home pick up a charm. You come out looking like a romantic hero every single time. They have a charm for every event you’d like to commemorate. They probably even have a charm for when you forget your anniversary.

I have this one, I got it for our first Christmas.

Teens, Preteens, Tweens they are all the same species of annoying to me. They are hard to shop for and miserable when you don’t mind meld with them and pop out with the right gift that usually costs upwards of 300 dollars. If you have the money to drop, tablets are the way to go. If not, go to their favorite stores that they like to shop at. Look around and get a sense for what the regular priced items cost. Buy a gift card with enough money on it for them to buy at least two items. Most things after Christmas are marked down anyway so they might be able to stretch their purchasing power if they are savvy. If not, at least they can get at least two items.

Ages 8 and up.
For boys get them Legos and the book that shows you how to make a ton of different things from Legos and if they don’t live in your house then I suggest Nerf guns. Girls at this age are easy, Dolls and all the crap that goes with them.

For the little people in the house.
I love babies, toddlers and wee lil kids. They are just happy to be tearing the paper off something Christmas morning. For most of them, it really doesn’t matter what you buy, they’re going to play with the box anyway. So just go with something that you think won’t annoy the hell out of mom and dad. If you happen to be mom or dad just pick out something that you’ll enjoy playing with them with and that won’t annoy the hell out you.

In Laws
The rule with In Laws, at least in my family is always buy for the wife. Even if the wife isn’t the one that’s your blood relation. If the wife is happy the husband is happy. Most men don’t care if they get a gift or not anyway. You can’t go wrong with candles. Bath and Body Works usually has them 2 for 20 bucks. Both sides, done and done.

So print this out, take it with you and remember for next year. Christmas is on the 25th. Put it in your outlook right now and set a reminder for 3 weeks before.


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