There was a time when Christmas was magical. It really was the most wonderful time of the year. Now it seems the older I get, the more responsibilities I take on, I just want to pull a Scrooge and say, Bah Humbug.
I used to love Christmas, I really did. I looked forward to its approach with childlike wonder way past the years of believing in Santa Claus. I was always the one who pushed to decorate the house just a few days earlier than the 15th of December and was always sad to see it go the second week of January. I’ve always been excited to decorate, to see what colors are in fashion for this year. To create a new theme for the house every time. This year, not so much. I really don’t know why. Maybe it’s the kids, or the husband, maybe it’s the constant arguing in the world about why you shouldn’t say “Merry Christmas”. Whatever “it” is, it’s got me wishing Christmas would hurry up and get the hell over with.
I’ve tried it all. I tried to write some cheery Christmas tales to get me in the holiday mood but they all came out too dark. Definitely not what I was intending for a cold winter’s night. I wanted to write stories that made people laugh and warmed their heart not terrified them to the point where they were scared to open their gifts Christmas morning. So that idea was scraped and put on the back burner, maybe for next year, if I’m so inclined. I hope I will be so inclined.
I tried Christmas music but everyone in the house hates it, especially the Hubby. I’m not in the mood to fight over it, it’s easier to just turn it off or not put it on at all. I’ve gone through the motions. I’ve bought gifts, we’ve wrapped them. My holiday shopping is completed. The kids are going to see Santa next week and the house is decorated although not to my usual standards. We even had our holiday party with the kids and grandparents. We drank way too much Egg Nog but we had us some fun and yet something is still missing. It feels like I’m on auto-pilot just going through the motions until this is all over and I can get back to the daily routine of just getting by.
I want the joy of Christmas back. I want that magic and wonder it had before. It wasn’t so long ago that I loved this time of year. It wasn’t so long ago that I had excitement in my heart. I wonder where it went. I wonder if I’ll ever get it back.