adoption · Family · NaBloPoMo · race

Let's Talk About Race: NaBloPoMo Day 9

I’m only going to talk about this once. I’m not one to get sucked into debates. Mostly, it’s because I don’t really care about your opinion or trying to change it. I believe what I believe. You are more than welcome to go on believing whatever it is you do and as long as you don’t bother me, I promise to not bother you. This, is how I live my life. It’s a shame that others don’t. I’m so sick of people (mostly Black) who feel like they can come up to me and comment on my family.

If you follow my blog, you know by now that I’m not political, devout religious, or anything other than big ole neutral Switzerland. I have opinions. My Hubby hears them all day long but I keep them from the outside world because people are A**holes. People believe for some strange reason that everyone needs to think alike and Jesus jumped up Christ if you don’t. You’re going to hell and ruining your children in the bargain.
At this point, you might wonder, what spurred this rant? The answer, the post below, but going back I would have to say it was this post about dolls that was the kindling, the second post was the spark that started the fire and what happened to me in the Walmart was the gasoline.
 
A few weeks ago, I caught this blog entry. The long and short of it was that the author was approached by another woman who wanted to know why her daughter wasn’t playing with a Black doll being that the child was Black herself. As I read this, I got angry. Not the, “I want to blow something up” angry, just a mild irritation like a “hemorrhoid” type of angry. First of all, it’s just a doll. I know Black women will say it hurts their self-esteem to play with a White doll. They should play with a doll that look like them. Okay. PLEASE try to find a doll that looks anything like my daughter that isn’t the “Hispanic” doll. So if my daughter played with the “Hispanic” doll would everyone in the world be happy that her self-esteem won’t be sullied by the fact that she’s playing with the wrong color doll?  Well, I got news for the people out there who are saying yes, my daughter is half White so when she’s plays with a White doll, she is playing with a doll that looks like her peeps. I played with blond haired, blue eyed Barbie dolls my entire childhood and believe me I do not lack in self-esteem. I’m wonderful because I am me and there’s not another me out there. I’m special because God made me that way and that’s stuff I learned in Church and not from some dumb doll.  My self-esteem suffered more from the White cop who called me the “N” word when I was 14 or my old boss who was impressed by that fact that I had a large vocabulary because he didn’t expect it, then it ever did from not having the “right” doll.
 
All this, I vented to my husband and then I let it go because that’s just how I roll. I didn’t feel the need to share it with the world, at the time. Then as if the universe was goading me on, another post about race. This time, it was about a White couple adopting a Black child. I’m all for adoption. There are so many kids in the system that need a good stable home. I don’t think race should even be an option but when I read this post and read what this Black woman said to the couple. Man alive, I was livid. 
 
She talks about black children like they’re an alien species. Really?? Here’s a question for you Lady, where did you get the idea you could comment on other people’s lives? Where did they get the idea they could raise a Black child was your question? Seriously, that’s the most awesome case of word vomit, I’ve ever read. They’re raising a Black child because they are loving people who opened their hearts to another woman’s child. All they see is an infant that needs love and attention.
Here’s another question for you, who told me I could raise two white boys? I don’t know, since I birthed them out of my vagina, I’m going to hazard a guess and say it was God. I have no idea what to do with their hair. I will learn by trial and error the same way every parent does. How will they raise their son to be a strong Black man?  I would assume they would raise their boy the same way I would raise my two, to be good men, period. Black, White, Asian or Latino, a good man is a good man.
I agree that he should know about his heritage as should my sons. My son’s heritage is Black, Scottish, Irish and French. So we will talk extensively about the Civil Rights Movement, The Potato Famine and whatever the heck happened that sucked to the Scottish and French people. In this day and age, world history is OUR history not just what happened to the one group of people you happen to look like. So THAT lady needs to remove her head from her bung hole.
 
Speaking of bung holes, this brings me full circle to what happened to me at Walmart. I’m standing in line, sick as dog waiting on antibiotics. I have Colin and Quinn with me and there are two Black women in front of me who take it upon themselves to ask me the first question that everyone asks, “Are you babysitting?” I respond no. Thinking that my pallor and Typhoid Mary like cough would give them just enough pause to leave me the hell alone. They were not to be dismayed. Then, they asked if they were twins, to which I respond yes. Every mom of twins gets asked that question, even when your children look exactly alike.
Then it comes, the word vomit. “Their daddy must be white because that boy has blond hair”. “Well thank you Maury, for that astute observation. I’m glad you figured out who the baby daddy is.” Really? What business is it of yours, I don’t know you lady. This same conversation gets played out word for word no matter where I go with the boys. It’s gotten tired. I’m so tired of hearing the populace’s opinion on my life and more importantly on my children that it’s driven me to ranting.
 
I just don’t understand it. I know we live in a Facebook world where everyone has an opinion and the fact that they can hide behind their computer monitor makes it easier for them to voice it. When did this filter into “real life”? Why do people feel like its okay to come up to a stranger and give them unsolicited advice? I was raised that not only do you not speak until spoken to but you don’t talk to strangers. Rules I still live by as an adult. So, in closing only because this post will drag on for a fortnight if I don’t (there’s that large vocabulary again), if you’re in Walmart or any store in the Northern Virginia area and you see a women with twins and they look White and the mom is obviously Black, feel free not to comment. Just walk away safe in the knowledge that the “look” you’re giving me tells me all that I need to know. 
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2 thoughts on “Let's Talk About Race: NaBloPoMo Day 9

  1. I am sorry that there are so many jackasses in the world. I like the fact that you are the Switzerland of blogging. I try to avoid hot button topics in general life and especially online as people pretty much have formed their opinions and I am not going to waste time trying to change their views. You have a very nice looking family and I am liking your attitude.

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  2. Ugh, people really need to mind their own business. Here is the parenting criteria – are you loving that child? Yes, good, I don't care what color they or you or anyone else are. So many children are in need of loving homes that why should it matter what skin colors are involved as long as the parent loves the children? It makes me so angry too.

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