The Clothes Make the (Wo) Man

I’m sick and tired.

I’m sick and tired of people coming up to me, in the mall, in the grocery store, in the Wal-Mart, Target, the park, the library and feeling like it’s appropriate to comment on my appearance. It feels like from the day I was born, I’ve been told, “You look so young.”

I know what you’re thinking, I wish I had her problem. Is she really complaining about looking young? Why yes I am. Hearing you look so young, has far surpassed having the song Michelle sung to me, in level of annoyance. That was my childhood annoyance. Everyone thought they were the first one to ever do it. That damn Beatles song followed me everywhere and every guy thought they were the first genius to ever think of it. It was usually followed by an eye roll and my fake laugh.  It was the reason why I married my husband, he was smart enough not to sing it to me. Fast forward twenty years later and my newest annoyance has emerged and everyone says the SAME thing.
“You look too young to have all those kids.”
I’m thinking, not really some of my high school friends have kids in college.
“What do you do to stay so young?”
“Wash my face”, is what I say but what I really want to say is, “I drink the blood of leprechauns and Vestal virgins”.
“You really can’t be in your 30s”
“You’re right, I’m really just a very tall 5 year old.”
“You must have good genes.”
“Yeah, we’ll just overlook the ovarian cancer, breast cancer, cervical cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes that runs rampant in my family tree. If you leave that out, then yeah, I got good genes.”
I wasn’t always this snarky about it. I took it as a compliment in my 20s, even though it annoyed me to get carded every time I went to see a rated R movie. I thought, as everyone always said, it would catch up to me. One day, I would look my age. I suffered through my teenage years where guys wouldn’t even look at me because they thought I was just a 12 year old trying to look older. Only to be followed by guys that thought I was jailbait in my 20s.  Don’t even get me started on trying to find a job.  I got into the habit of just showing people my ID when they asked how old I was because they never believed me when I told them.
So recently, I vented to my husband about being sick and tired of being told how young I look. He said, “Don’t take this wrong but you don’t dress your age.”
Wow, I don’t dress my age. Which led me to the question, what should a 30 something wear?
I thought back to the memories I have of my mother at that age. Totally not helpful. It was the 80s and she worked all the time. Her attire consisted of business suits. I’m sorry but a pencil skirt is not the appropriate attire for chasing around twin 3 year olds. What I usually wear, sweat pants, jeans, tee shirts, sweaters and yes the occasional pair of yoga pants. I will, however, concede that maybe I should hand-me-down the Uggs to a younger relative. They are just a tad youngish. Other than that, how is that dressing young? Am I supposed to wear mom jeans? Do they even make mom jeans? That’s probably a fit size at Old Navy, they have one for everything else.
Seriously, what should I wear? That’s the question of the day. Please feel free to chime in, send ideas on Pinterest, Facebook or whatever mode you prefer. Evidently, this girl needs help.

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