Diary of a third wife · Family · kids · Parenting

Diary Of A Third Wife: Picking Your Battles

As wives and parents you know you have to pick your battles on most things. Deciding what’s important to you and when to dig your heels in on an issue is an art we’ve perfected over the years. Usually, we dig our heels on things that we deem inappropriate for our kids to do or things that would benefit our family members health. I am one of those people and the battle I’m talking about is the battle over toothpaste. Yes, you read that right.

When I first met my husband and his children, I noticed a few things about them that were drastically different from how I lived my life.

1. They ate take out all the time or went to restaurants. Their fridge contents consisted of Beer, Ice Cream, Bologna, Bread and Hot Pockets. While my fridge and pantry looked like I just raided a Whole Foods.

2. “All Natural” to them meant running around in their birthday suit.

3. They had no bedtime. My kids had a schedule they followed all day.

4. They considered candy a food group. Mine thought candy was something special you only got on Halloween.

You see where I’m going with this. To say we lived two totally different lives is an understatement. There were quite a few things I gave up on. Many things I didn’t, like bedtime. It went from whenever you fell asleep on the couch to 9pm. We incorporated more wholesome food into our diets and cut out all candy except on special occasions. The one war I haven’t won yet and am about to declare defeat on is toothpaste.

I prefer to use Tom’s toothpaste and I use the fluoride free one because my dentist has assured me that there’s enough fluoride in our water that they don’t need the extra in their toothpaste. As far as I’m concerned the only difference between Tom’s and Crest is that Tom’s doesn’t taste like you’re brushing your teeth with sugar.

The kids hated it and went so far as to declare a tooth brushing strike. My husband complained about the taste. He didn’t like that it didn’t make your breath smell all minty fresh. He said, “I’ll just go downstairs and drink a beer in the morning and belch and that would make my breath smell better.”
The kids toothpaste tasted like cherries and dirt. Which I really wonder how they would know what that tastes like?

This week more out of necessity, I bought the older kids Crest and my husband Crest. After two years of suffering with Tom’s and hiding a secret stash of hotel toothpaste, he had his beloved Crest back. This morning when my husband asked me what I was writing about today, after I told him he said, “Good because I would rather lick Rallo’s butt than use that stuff ever again. Now that I’m back over to the Dark Side I’m staying there.” Who knew that toothpaste would be such a sticky issue?

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